A SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM CAROL
About Carol's Place . . .
The decision to set up a website was made in 2003 in response to requests from birth moms/dads and adoptees who wanted a PRIVATE place where they could let their hair down without the interference of interlopers. More important, we needed a place separate from the “business of baby adoption” and the painful memories of separation, loss and shame adoption STILL evokes.
Over my years in the adoption reunion movement I’ve collected many Related Articles and web sites that offer guidelines for searching and reunion, support and camaraderie, birth parents and adoptive parents have become professional counselors; most are thoroughly knowledgeable about adoption issues. Some of these sites are linked here along with reviews of books for and about adoption search and reunion and stories written by adoptees and birth parents sharing their experiences during the reunion process, and helpful articles written by professionals offering advice about search and reunion. Much of this material can be read elsewhere, but since there's a growing number of such offerings, we felt that it would serve you better if we collected some of them for you to "quick start" you on your way.
Our goal in all of our offerings is to provide our members the support, encouragement and guidance that wasn't available to those of us from the Closed Adoption decades.
We hope we will be of help to those entering the emotional journey into reunion and healing.
About Carol . . .
I was 18 years old and unmarried when when I conceived my
first (and only) child. She was born in February 1954.
My story isn't unique, in fact most birth mothers of those years
have had similar experiences... many far, far worse.
The pre-1980s were difficult times for unwed pregnant girls.
Society and even our own families were unforgiving. We were kept
in secrecy and shame. There was no such thing as an “Adoption Plan”
in those days, nor was counseling offered. Most of us didn’t even
understand what was happening to us..I'd guess that we were all
frightened and quite pliable.
I reluctantly agreed to relinquish my baby for adoption because
I was led to believe it was "the right thing to do for the child, under
the circumstances." I didn't have the wherewithal to care properly
for a baby and the thought of a child of mine growing up under the
stigma of illegitimacy was repugnant to me.
This was a private, closed adoption arranged by a lawyer. I was
not supposed to even see my baby, but as luck would have it, the day
after her birth, I accidentally discovered her being weighted in the
nursery, the ledger was just below the window, and I waited until they
wrote the weight along side my name. From that day till the day of
separation I haunted the nursery window every minute I was free to
roam the hallways, watching. To the dismay of the doctor, and the
disapproval of the attorney, a nurse brought her to my room for a few
hours our last day in the hospital.
I wasn't told who my daughter's new parents were, nor where
she would be raised. Though I was told the adopters already had a
three year old daughter and could have no more children. Like most
young unwed mothers of that era, I was also told I would never know
my baby and was urged to “put it all behind” me and “go on with” my
life. I captured the face of my baby in my "minds-eye" as I stood in
the door way of the hospital and watched as a nurse carried her out
the door and laid her in the arms of a stranger. ( See "My Daughter's
my baby and the stranger who took her away was to remain with me
for almost 33 years, until I finally met the "stranger," held my adult
daughter in my arms, and saw the exact likeness to the "mind's-eye"
picture in a photograph a few months after our reunion.
Miracles do happen! She found me just two months before her
33rd birthday and we mark our 20th year of reunion in December
2006. Though we're still a little battered and bruised I'm happy to
say that we've survived reunion's highly emotional roller coaster ride.
My first grandchild was five months old that December when we
had our first face-to-face meeting two weeks after my daughter's first
phone call (see photo at middle right). That little cutie was 22 in
late Summer 2008, just before she enters her Senior year in college.
My number two granddaughter, who was born in 1988, 13 months
after the first face-to-face meeting, celebrated her 20th birthday in Feb.
2008. She will be a Junior in college in Fall 2008. I never knew I was capable of loving so deeply.
I guess you could call me a "well seasoned birth mother by now." These past almost two decades of reunion have been the happiest years of my life. Watching my daughter mature in her role of career woman, wife and mother have been as rewarding to me as watching my dear granddaughters grow up. If you'd like to know more about my daughter's and my journey through the early years of reunion, I've chronicled them in the articles you will find in "Carol's Reunion Stories" on this site.
Los Angeles Seminar -- September 20, 2008
The Lifelong Impact of Adoption
Marlou Russell, Ph.D., Psychologist, adoptee in reunion and author of Adoption Wisdom:
A Guide to the Issues and Feelings of Adoption, will be presenting a Lecture and Discussion on The Lifelong Impact of Adoption Saturday, September 20, 2008 at the Santa Monica Airport Campus of Santa Monica College, 3171 S. Bundy Dr., Room #212, Los Angeles, California.
The three-hour class is designed for adult adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents, those considering adoption, therapists, attorneys, the media, and anyone interested in learning about the emotional and psychological aspects of adoption.
The class runs from 1 PM to 4 PM. Attendance is $35.00 per person and there is free parking
on campus.
To register online:
http://commed.smc.edu/index.cfm?fuseaction=1011&C ategoryID=1&SubCategoryID=36&catalogid
For further information contact:
Marlou Russell, Ph.D
1452 26 Street, Suite 103
Santa Monica, CA 90404
Phone (310) 829-1438
Email: marlourussell@hotmail.com
Website: www.marlourussellphd.com
